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Posted on 2006.05.01 at 00:36
Current Mood: contentcontent
I am so happy that I have been blessed with such amazing people in my life. I know I write a lot of negative entries, and a lot of times I complain about too much, but it's weekends like this past one that remind me just how lucky I am. Friday night was Nathan's big party, and I had a blast hanging out with my best friends in the entire world. Nothing extremely special happened the rest of the weekend, but it was just so completely wonderful to be able to relax and just know that everything is okay. I really hate the fact that things are starting to turn out well, right as the school year is ending. I'm going to miss everyone here so much...it sucks living so far away from everyone. Anyway, that's not what this entry is about. I just wanted to say that it's so nice to be happy and practically worry-free for once. Anyway, it's off to bed for me...


Posted on 2006.04.17 at 00:24
Current Mood: tiredtired
So I'm just wondering. Is it a BAD thing to have strong morals? I grew up with parents who instilled extremely strong morals in me, and like most things, I accepted them without question. Now that I've dipped my toes into a small portion of the "real world," I have let a lot of things slide, and I have changed my mind about many things. However, a lot of those core values and morals that I was taught growing up have stuck with me, and I firmly believe that most of them exist for good reasons. But...it seems like in today's society, people who have morals are seen as stuffy, prudish, and boring. But I like to think that you can have morals and still be a fun person. I like to party just as much as any other person, and I love having fun, but there are some things I believe very strongly in, and I don't like the fact that I am automatically judged based on those beliefs. But I'm not going to change myself for anyone. And I don't want people telling me "well that's good that you believe that, good for you." No, don't patronize me. That's probably one of the easiest ways to piss me off. Just accept me for who I am, and don't judge me. There is a lot more here than meets the eye. And if fitting in means having to compromise my beliefs...no thanks, I don't want it.

Posted on 2006.04.03 at 23:37
Current Mood: tiredtired
I almost updated my journal tonight with something...that probably would have gotten me into trouble. I'm glad I didn't post it. But I actually wrote out the whole thing, which ended up being much longer than any sane person would have wanted to read, and I guess it was mostly just for me to get it out of my system. It's been sitting inside of me for months now, and I couldn't stand it anymore. Anyway.

So I've been doing a lot of thinking (I don't have a job, so I have almost *too* much time to sit around and think), and I've decided that I really don't like the person I've become. In high school, I was your typical honors student with tons of friends, the highest of the high standards, and a future that nothing could get in the way of. When I look at my life now, I wonder sometimes what I've done with myself. Okay, so I still get decent grades, and I have some of the most amazing friends in the world...but I still feel like nothing's ever enough. My standards have dropped immensely, not because I've become more open minded (which is what I try to tell myself), but because I convince myself of certain things so that I will fit in better. I know that it's my fault that things are the way they are - I was always fine when I was at home and my parents made all my decisions for me. But now that I'm on my own, I don't think I trust myself to make my own decisions, so I either just don't do anything at all, or I let someone (or something) else decide for me. That's so ridiculously sad, and you don't even know how much it pains me to admit that to myself. But I guess it's true that only once you admit you have a problem, can you solve it. So I'm going to try and force myself to take risks, take advantage of opportunities when they're presented to me, and stop being such a damn pushover.

With all that said, I don't want you guys to think I'm a complete headcase. I think I have a really good head on my shoulders, I had an amazing upbringing, and I know what I'm doing...I just need to learn to trust myself. Because if you can't trust yourself, who can you trust? Anyway, thanks for reading if you made it all the way through. Now it's time for me to stop procrastinating and get back to studying for my 2 tests on Wednesday...

Posted on 2006.03.30 at 17:23
Current Mood: blahblah
So I haven't updated in awhile...I guess I just haven't really been that inspired to write. I'm getting kind of concerned lately, because if you couldn't tell, I sort of use this journal as a writing outlet, as well as a way to polish my writing skills, because I want to use writing in my career. However, I'm starting to get worried that that may not be the best field for me, because sometimes it's really hard for me to be very creative in my writing. Sometimes I'll start to write an entry, and it ends up being really stupid (in my opinion), or just boring, and I just stop. I don't really know if I have the ability to write like I want to...and if I can't do that, I don't know what I'm going to do. So needless to say, I've been extremely worried for the past few months, just thinking about career options, and what I'm going to do with life, and everything. Graduation is suddenly looming in the distant future, and I'm still just extremely confused with what I want to do. Anyway, this wasn't meant to be a "pity me" entry, but I just wanted to give a small update...plus I'm just bored. Sooooo until next time...

Posted on 2006.03.22 at 01:56
Current Mood: blahblah
So I'm a little depressed. I've never been what you would call an "aggressive" person, especially when it comes to guys...but it seems like whenever I try to put a little more effort into it, and actively pursue what (or who lol) it is that I want, I still get pushed away, sometimes even moreso. It's just frustrating. Why is it so easy for some girls to go on all these dates, have tons of guys all over them, and always get the guy they want? I just get soooooo tired of all this crap. It sucks.

Anyway, I'm on my Spring Break right now. Not doing anything exciting, just relaxing at home. But that's still nice...I've gotten to go to the beach the past 2 days, but I think that's all I'm going to get to go, because for the rest of the time I'm here, the weather is supposed to suck. Bah. Oh well, at least I got some decent sun, I think. Friday we go to Atlanta, and I'm soooooo excited. There will be like 8 of us piled into a hotel room for the whole weekend. Fun times! So yeah, besides stupid boy issues, life is good right now. And now, I'm off to bed, because I'm about to fall over. Later.

Posted on 2006.03.16 at 03:30
Current Mood: drunkdrunk
okay since I never do this...I wanted to make one drunk post...just because I really have nothing else to do...although, I'm not really as drunk as I could be, but I am pretty wasted...so me and Jerry have developed this new tradition where we drink together online every Monday and Wednesday night...it might sound really sad, but it can be a lot of fun, for instance tonight...we had a blaaaaaast, and just talked and talked and talked about random crap...I really miss being able to drink with him in person, but I guess what we do now is the next best thing....anyway that's all I really have to say...so yay for being a nerd....and I'm going to bed now...goodnight...

PS omg look at my icon, is that not the hottest thing ever????!!!

Posted on 2006.03.13 at 22:28
Current Mood: tiredtired
So yay for another fabulous weekend. Friday was the amazing birthday party for Andrew and Nathan, and although it didn't really turn out exactly as planned, I thought it was a hell of a party, if I do say so myself. Well besides the fact that it was over by 12. But the "after party" if you will was so much fun. I definitely got pretty wasted then, and got to chill with some really cool people. I love my friends! Saturday was recovery day, and then that night I got to go and hang out with some people from high school which was really fun. And then yesterday I pretty much just sat and did nothing all day. Me and Andrew watched like 7 or 8 episodes of "Flavor of Love" which is quite possibly one of the worst shows ever created, but for some reason it was insanely addicting, and I just had to find out who won. Sooooo now that I've probably lost about 100 IQ points, I have to make it through another week of school. But after that, it's Spring Break! And although I'm not doing anything really exciting, I'm just looking forward to going home, going to the beach, and not having to be responsible for ANYTHING. But anyway, that's pretty much my weekend. It was a lot more fun than it sounds lol. I just want to add though, that I LOVE my friends, so much more than they know, and I really love where I'm at right now. I wish time could just stand still for awhile, that I wouldn't have to leave all my friends in a little over a month, and then come back to only have a year left in college. Yeah, school sucks and all, but this has all just gone by too fast for me to even comprehend. I still feel like I've just started college, and that I have forever left. But I don't, and I'm slowly realizing that more and more each day. So I'm learning to not take my time left here for granted, and to cherish each day that I have left, because I know I'll never be able to relive this experience. Anyway I didn't mean to get all mushy. I guess I've just been doing a lot of thinking lately. Maybe a little too much haha. Anyway, that's all I have for now...thanks for reading....

Posted on 2006.03.08 at 12:18
Current Mood: calmcalm
Life is so weird sometimes. We adapt to so many different situations, it's amazing how flexible we really are. And it's crazy because things will be going a certain way, and you get used to it, so you adjust your life and work around it. But as soon as you think you can handle it the way it is, all of a sudden it changes on you again, and you have to adapt. Sometimes it's for the good, sometimes things will get better, and you can relax. Other times, things get worse so you have to suck it up and deal with it. I just think it's amazing how we are constantly adjusting and changing, yet we don't really seem to notice. It's just something we do. So I guess, if you like where your life is right now, enjoy it, because chances are it's not going to stay that way. But, if things are sucky, try not to stress it too much, stick it out, and eventually it will get better. It just does, somehow.

Posted on 2006.03.02 at 22:57
Current Mood: blahblah
So I haven't updated in awhile. Sorry, there just hasn't really been much going. Anyway, I was just thinking about how my new favorite time of day is mid-afternoon, around 2 or so. I'm done with all my classes (at least on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday), and I usually don't have any real responsibilities. Yeah, there are things I COULD be doing, such as studying or cleaning or whatever...but it's just the fact that I don't HAVE to. I also love that I have that time to myself, to just chill and not worry about anything. I don't have to entertain anyone or change anything about myself to keep anyone else happy. I can just be ME and just worry about ME for that small amount of time. When it gets to be around 9, and I have procrastinated everything I was supposed to be doing...that's when it sucks. But just for that small amount of time during the afternoon, everything is nice.

Anyway, sorry for that little bit of nerdiness, it was just what was on my mind at the moment. Life is okay right now, I'm continually amazed at how fast the weeks are flying by. I can't believe it's already March. I'm bombarded with tests and studying, so that makes time go by even faster. I'm not necessarily looking forward to the summer, because I know no matter what, I'll be working my ass off. I'm hoping to get an internship with Southern Progress (they own Southern Living magazine), which will be in Birmingham. So if I get that, I'm going to stay at my apartment all summer and drive everyday. Yeah, it will suck, but the way I see it, I already have an apartment here, so I may as well use it. If I don't get that, I suppose I will spend the summer at home, but working. And I will probably be working full time, unless I decide to take some classes. I don't know. Anyway, that's pretty much all my life is right now. Exciting, no? Now I'm going to go study a little more for my test tomorrow before I go out with my friends...later.

Posted on 2006.02.22 at 01:01
So coming back from vacation sucks. For the past few days at least, I was able to live in a sort of fantasy world, where there were no problems, and where I could be myself without being judged...returning to my life in the real world is one of the hardest things to do. You always have that kind of "grass is greener on the other side" thought in your mind, and honestly, I was somewhat excited to get back because I missed everyone. But then I do get back, and I'm faced with all of the problems in my life that I had just hoped would melt away in my absence. I just want to be back...back on the sand with the breeze blowing my hair and the waves rolling in and out...it's my favorite place in the world. I just hope that I can dig up the strength to face the rest of this week. I just need to put a smile on my face and get through it somehow, because time waits for no one...

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